Sunday, 9 December 2012

A letter to Kayleb, from Mommy

Dear Kayleb,

Happy first birthday to you. Mommy is so glad to have been able to be part of your growing up days for the past one year.

Mommy remembered the first time she received news that she was pregnant. So many mixed feelings curled inside of me and I wasn't even sure if I could be the best mommy to you.

There was also the time when the doctor told mommy and daddy that you might not be normal and mommy had to do a placenta biopsy to be sure. All that was in mommy's head were hopes and wishes that you would be fine, you would be normal and praise to the Lord, you are a healthy normal growing baby.

Then, after dinner with daddy, mommy realized she was bleeding and knew the time had come. Little Kayleb was ready to say hello to the world and mommy & daddy will no longer talk to the little guy in the tummy, but in person.

You wailed for the very first time on 9th Dec 2011, at 10:01am. Weighing 2.745kg and was about 47cm tall. A tiny little precious gem who opened his eyes the moment he was out. You laid on the warmer, all wrapped up, staring right at daddy, while daddy looked back at you, gently stroking you. You seemed to know who he was. Mommy guessed, you probably found his voice very soothing and familiar.

It was not easy for mommy when the hospital said it was time for to go home, but without Kayleb. Kayleb has very high levels of serum bilirubin and needed to be in the hospital for a few more days. When you could finally come home with us, mommy and daddy were thrilled. So excited to begin a new life as a family. Unfortunately, the happiness did not last long, about 2 days after your discharge, you had to go back to the doctor for a review. The doctor said your bilirubin level was still high and you had to be hospitalized. Mommy's world crushed. I couldn't remember a thing the doctor or the nurse said thereafter. I just kept crying. I could even talk to daddy, your aunt Betsy had to call him. He dropped his work and rushed as quickly as he could to be with us. Although he kept quiet, mommy guessed he was equally as heartbroken as mommy was.

The next few days were endless trips to the hospital (mommy had to rest, but wanted you to have breast milk) and smiles were found on our faces when your pediatrician gave you the green light to be discharged.

Mommy and grandma Yip sun you every morning, hoping to bring down your jaundice as low as possible. Then there were crazy feeding and pumping and diaper changing and bathing. 

You turned a month old in the blink of an eye. We had a party for you. Every one was excited to see you and most people saw you for the very first time. A tiny little pumpkin pie, all guests were eager to cuddle you.

We went back home to stay with Grandpa David & Grandma Eva. They were so excited about you coming back that they got the bedroom painted, and even build a mini nursery spot for you. 

For the month, there was nobody but just you and mommy in the day. Some days went okay, some days were terrible when mommy couldn't get hold of her emotions and got frustrated because she didn't know what you wanted. Mommy felt despaired at times and these times did not last very long.

Chinese New Year came along, and there you turned 2 months old. Mommy & daddy dressed you up in an outfit that was so daddy's style. Everyone was smiling at you and complimenting how adorable you looked.

When you turned 3 months old, mommy felt depressed again because she had to return to the office soon. All she ever knew was being a mommy to you and now she needs to re-learn to be a working woman again. 

Mommy got worried and wondered how she was to juggle both you and work together. What frightened her most was, what if she missed out a huge chunk of your growing up days because of work.

You were four months old and mommy just returned to work. Everything worked out way better than mommy expected. Although exhausted and frustrated at times, mommy tried her very best to be the best mommy she could to you.

Then there you become 5 months old, and you turned 6 months old. We celebrated your half birthday with Godma Eelin and Uncle Cephas. We even took a family outdoor portrait at the Marina Barrage.

Little cheeky boy sat up very well on his own by 7 months old. A tiny little pumpkin now turned into a little infant, all ready to embrace the world and its challenges. When we greet you good morning as you wake up, you smile back so sweetly. You have your own temperament and knows how to get around to having the things you want. 

Your 8th monthsary coincided with National Day. We got you a romper that said "MY FIRST 8TH OF AUGUST". you were an extremely cheery boy that day. It seemed like you knew it was a day of celebration and joy. 

You started teething, crying and got extremely irritable. You were 9 months old. I think it was the worst monthsary for you, and all you wanted was bonjela gel on your gums and lying on mommy. My poor little boy, that's all part of growing up. You grow teeth so you can taste more crunchy food.

Daddy brought mommy on a Europe trip in October 2012. We didn't bring you along because we thought it would be a little too difficult for you to travel half way around the world at such a tender age. But we promised we would bring you overseas next year, when you can walk on your own at least. You were turned 10 month old when daddy and mommy were in Switzerland. Grandpa David called and told us you had hand-foot-mouth-disease. We were worried sick. We wanted very much to stop the vacation and take the earliest flight back home to you. But grandpa David & grandma Eva told us not to, as you're doing okay and they will take good care of you. Mommy swear her heart was terribly broken.

You could stand on your own by now. Of course, with the aid of holding onto furniture. But you have strong arms and strong legs. Getting up, crawling around the house chasing Nachos was just an easy feat for you.You have so much curiosity with everything, the tiniest thing can almost amuse you easily. Daddy decided to help you walk your few steps using the walker-wagon. You managed one step, then 2 steps. It was such an exciting journey. You cuddle up to mommy and cry when I walk a step away. Mommy cherishes each of this time. She knows it won't be long when you'll outgrow it and no longer want to hug mommy anymore. So mommy is not complaining, mommy adores every bit of it. Happy 11 months old baby.

You are turning 1 year old today. It was a much longer journey than what mommy had penned down in this blog. Too many other emotions that words cannot express.

Some days, mommy wished you hadn't grown up so quickly, but mommy can't wait for you to be a big healthy boy too. 

Whatever mommy feels now and whatever that may come, mommy wants to tell you that there is one thing that will not ever change. That is, mommy will always love you.

Someday, when you are able to comprehend reading, mommy hopes you get to read this letter. A letter to my dearest little pumpkin, a God-sent surprise that has brought so much happiness, laughter, fun and love to both me and your daddy. I love you very much. Daddy loves you very much too.

Please grow up strong, healthy, happy and cheerful. Plentiful of hugs and kisses for you, Kayleb. Only for you. 

Happy 1st Birthday!

Love you the most and always,

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