Kayleb and his new bff, Ryan.

Godma Eelin has blessed Kayleb with a stuff toy filled with many other little toys. Kayleb is always spoiled for a choice when we take Ryan out of his bag.

Kayleb's first trip to the zoo!

We brought Kayleb to the Singapore Zoo for the first time. I think he might have been opened to a huge world he never realized did exists. He was pretty amazed at the animals that were within his visual fields and for most of the time, he froze in seconds like as if he was puzzled with the things going on.

Here are some of the few photos we caught on camera:

dozed off just as we reached Kidz' World.

enjoying his lunch by the splash pool at Kidz' World.
He was having pumpkin, carrots and beef puree.

He was intrigued by the penguins taking a dip.

and yawning away while grandma carries him.

I can't wait for our next zoo trip! Hopefully by then, he is old enough to figure out things better, feed the animals and is interested to learn more about the animals.

kayleb's nine of august!

happy national day singapore! i love you! the parade was fantastically done!

Kayleb is 8 months old!

We celebrated national's day and Kayleb's 8 month on the 9th of Aug. He was being all adorable and cheery throughout the day. It was as if he knew that it was a day to be more happy than usual.

Family Outdoor Photography (PHOTOS!)

Remember me blogging about bringing Kayleb for a family photo shoot for his half birthday? The photos were delivered into the mail box last night. I'm so excited about it and here's sharing some of my favorite shots.

photography service by: Firefly

My breastfeeding experience.

I've never really blogged about my breastfeeding journey and I thought I should. So here I am, blogging about the entire experience.

You wouldn't believe how imaginative I got when I realized I was a mommy and I had to offer my breasts to my baby as his staple food. Thousands of images flash across my mind whenever I think about breastfeeding.

When the real deal came, it was nothing like I ever imagined. I did EBM after nursing him for a short while. I just couldn't make myself believe direct nursing could satisfy Kayleb. Moreover, I felt more at ease to be able to see how much Kayleb is drinking each meal.

I guess there will be mothers who are pros at breastfeeding, squirming and wanting to tell me that would be wrong and I should directly nurse him to build up my supply. Maybe you are right, maybe you are wrong. I don't know because I might be one of those few mothers who just simply cannot produce enough milk.

I did not tell anybody this but the entire breastfeeding journey was nothing but stressful and tiring. Sure, it felt good whenever I nurse Kayleb. That's where I get to bond with him, skin-to-skin. Besides that, I hated breastfeeding. I did not have sufficient supply to meet demand. I tried everything from regularly expressing,  daily nursing, to nursing and then expressing afterwards, to drinking papaya fish soup, to trying mother's milk tea to warm compress. NOTHING HELPED. NOTHING.

My husband is one pro-breastfeeding daddy. He kept pressing me on to continue breastfeeding whenever I tell him I feel like quitting. Sometimes, so encouraging till I feel like I have a 5-ton weight on my shoulders. But without him, I wouldn't get through 1 month of breastfeeding (my initial target) and went on to 3 months and then 6 months.

Things did not get any better when I had to return to the office. Some colleagues who bump into me holding my pump never fail to comment "so little milk?" Thanks, that hurts and yes, THAT little milk and I cannot help it.

Fortunately, there are positive memories about breastfeeding. Feeding him in the car, in public (automobile workshop), expressing milk in the car, expressing milk in the toilets (yes, public toilets), feeding him in different nursing rooms (from awesome ones to gross ones) and of course, falling asleep with him while nursing.

Now that I'm in a weaning off process, I have to admit, I feel depressed and guilty for not wanting to give Kayleb anymore breastmilk. I'm exhausted having to pump every 3 hourly. It's hard for me to juggle at work, especially when I need to run for meetings or attend seminars - it's just pathetic and disgusting pumping milk in the ladies. Without pumping, I could do more things and feel less stressed. Feeling less stressed up allow me to love Kayleb more and feel alot less angry whenever he throws a tantrum. Well, I can come up with a million reasons why I choose to stop breastfeeding, but none can help me deal with the guilt.

If you asked me if I'd breastfeed Kayleb if I had to do it all over again, I really have no idea. I want to be able to give him the best, but I also want to have an easier life (you know how difficult it is being a full time working mother). Simply saying - I'm very confused about breastfeeding. I hope it is just the raging hormones coming from weaning and nothing else. sigh. And I'm praying to be able to feel better in no time.

7months of motherhood & counting on

In the blink of an eye, Kayleb turned 7 months old on the 9th. These 7 months went past like a whirlwind struck my life and I actually got through 7 months of EBM.

While I'm in the midst of weaning breastfeeding, many emotions set in. I'm easily agitated lately and I swear by the insanity of raging hormones during weaning.

I still remember being pregnant and having people telling me I might pop way earlier than my EDD. How people went around commenting how low carrying I was and how Kayleb brought shine to my face.

Then came the crazy pain around the hips resolved by the amazing epidural. 10:10am, 9th Dec 2011, we welcomed the little pumpkin to our lives.

Things never were the same again. I could no longer head out for fun without having plenty of guilt. I could no longer sleep more than 3 hours in a row. I could no longer have all the time in the world for myself. It was all the time for Kayleb and Kent.

Nights spent helplessly crying together with him fussing felt like just yesterday. The struggles to get through every day without help when I returned home after confinement were still fresh in my mind. He didn't smiled any bit and I thought to myself "How am I to get through another day with a baby who doesn't seem to ever connect with me emotionally?"

Then one fine day, Kayleb smiled. And he kept on smiling and giggling, and cooing and laughing. I forgot about how painful I felt when I thought he couldn't connect. It was like he knew I was having a difficult time and he wanted to show me that he reciprocates my love and tireless efforts.

Excitement sets in when Kayleb was able to lift his head steadily during tummy time. "He's in a huge milestone to growing up" I exclaimed. Then things progressed quicker. He managed sitting up with support, then flipping himself over and now sitting up firmly without much support.

Just yesterday, I noticed him being able to pass an object from one hand to another.

To be honest, time just went by so quickly, I'm surprised by my ability to actually survive through the bits and pieces of hectic mommy schedule for 7 solid months. Of course, still counting on for the many days, months and years ahead.

I'm ending this post with last night's facebook status:

To all mommies - hang in there if you feel you are struggling. You are not alone.

To all mommy-to-be(s) - you have no idea what you are in for. But fret not, you'll get through each day somehow or rather. haha!

To Kayleb - mommy loves you dearly. Please continue growing up strong, healthy and happy. 

Family outdoor photography day

We engaged Firefly to help us with the family outdoor photography. Here's a sneak peek. The entire load of photos will take 4 - 6 weeks of processing. I will upload some here when they are ready. I'm pretty excited to see the edited photos though.

like a mini boss

kayleb often behaves like a little boss. here is evidence. haha

happy sunday folks!

kayleb intently staring at the cartoon on tv

dada & kayleb

kayleb's half birthday

I woke up to a dampening weather. It poured the entire night and drizzled through the morning. Mid morning was cloudy and gloomy and we had to postpone our outdoor family photoshoot. Even though the weather was depressing, my mood and determination weren't. I was all determined to celebrate our little prince's half birthday, so we headed for brunch at forty h4nds. This little guy pointed and picked his own birthday cake. Time really flies and i can't believe we both survived 6 months of breastfeeding.

haha! but i'm starting weaning since i can't keep up with his demands and he's doing excellent with FM and solids. Ironically, I miss nursing him terribly though. it's like a huge bonding activity gone.

sigh i guess momma's going thru another phase of separation anxiety.

anyway! happy half birthday little prince. love u!

kayleb repeated pointed to this slice of cake
while at the cake display cabinet

brunch at forty h4nds

a casual family photo

ryan the zebra

a new toy blessing from mama eelin! kayleb was so delighted today.

a milestone to record - he finished a bottle of puree. half peaches and half apple.

i'm so proud of him! (:

it's the weekend!

this little guy snuggled in with daddy and momma after his breakfast. who doesn't enjoy a lazy sleep in weekend eh?

have a wonderful weekend people!

plweeaasseee

kayleb pretending to be all pitiful. and nope. momma and dada ain't buying it. you are still going to school darling. see u tonight! hugs!

grouchy boy

kayleb was being all fussy and grouchy this morning. i am wondering if it's because of teething.

anyhoos, can't wait to knock off. dada and momma's picking him up from school today! (:

smile away the monday blues

and momma is missing you very much!

Saturday Morning Exercise

Daddy decided to spur Kayleb on for his first crawl. We know he is still too young for it but hey! no harm in encouraging a little guy to get on closer to his next huge milestone eh? (:

Kayleb was being so deary, we couldn't stop smiling to him.

Look who's the boss?

his shirt just spells it all. haha!

family of three

here's daddy, mommy and Kayleb at Watami, japanese restaurant.