A trip to the Universal Studios Singapore

This is Kayleb and momma visiting Universal Studios Singapore.

It was such a warm day and Kayleb napped a minute right before it was our turn to watch the Donkey Show.

Kent and I ended up watching the show with Kayleb sleeping soundly in the baby carrier. 

A letter to Kayleb, from Mommy

Dear Kayleb,

Happy first birthday to you. Mommy is so glad to have been able to be part of your growing up days for the past one year.

Mommy remembered the first time she received news that she was pregnant. So many mixed feelings curled inside of me and I wasn't even sure if I could be the best mommy to you.

There was also the time when the doctor told mommy and daddy that you might not be normal and mommy had to do a placenta biopsy to be sure. All that was in mommy's head were hopes and wishes that you would be fine, you would be normal and praise to the Lord, you are a healthy normal growing baby.

Then, after dinner with daddy, mommy realized she was bleeding and knew the time had come. Little Kayleb was ready to say hello to the world and mommy & daddy will no longer talk to the little guy in the tummy, but in person.

You wailed for the very first time on 9th Dec 2011, at 10:01am. Weighing 2.745kg and was about 47cm tall. A tiny little precious gem who opened his eyes the moment he was out. You laid on the warmer, all wrapped up, staring right at daddy, while daddy looked back at you, gently stroking you. You seemed to know who he was. Mommy guessed, you probably found his voice very soothing and familiar.

It was not easy for mommy when the hospital said it was time for to go home, but without Kayleb. Kayleb has very high levels of serum bilirubin and needed to be in the hospital for a few more days. When you could finally come home with us, mommy and daddy were thrilled. So excited to begin a new life as a family. Unfortunately, the happiness did not last long, about 2 days after your discharge, you had to go back to the doctor for a review. The doctor said your bilirubin level was still high and you had to be hospitalized. Mommy's world crushed. I couldn't remember a thing the doctor or the nurse said thereafter. I just kept crying. I could even talk to daddy, your aunt Betsy had to call him. He dropped his work and rushed as quickly as he could to be with us. Although he kept quiet, mommy guessed he was equally as heartbroken as mommy was.

The next few days were endless trips to the hospital (mommy had to rest, but wanted you to have breast milk) and smiles were found on our faces when your pediatrician gave you the green light to be discharged.

Mommy and grandma Yip sun you every morning, hoping to bring down your jaundice as low as possible. Then there were crazy feeding and pumping and diaper changing and bathing. 

You turned a month old in the blink of an eye. We had a party for you. Every one was excited to see you and most people saw you for the very first time. A tiny little pumpkin pie, all guests were eager to cuddle you.

We went back home to stay with Grandpa David & Grandma Eva. They were so excited about you coming back that they got the bedroom painted, and even build a mini nursery spot for you. 

For the month, there was nobody but just you and mommy in the day. Some days went okay, some days were terrible when mommy couldn't get hold of her emotions and got frustrated because she didn't know what you wanted. Mommy felt despaired at times and these times did not last very long.

Chinese New Year came along, and there you turned 2 months old. Mommy & daddy dressed you up in an outfit that was so daddy's style. Everyone was smiling at you and complimenting how adorable you looked.

When you turned 3 months old, mommy felt depressed again because she had to return to the office soon. All she ever knew was being a mommy to you and now she needs to re-learn to be a working woman again. 

Mommy got worried and wondered how she was to juggle both you and work together. What frightened her most was, what if she missed out a huge chunk of your growing up days because of work.

You were four months old and mommy just returned to work. Everything worked out way better than mommy expected. Although exhausted and frustrated at times, mommy tried her very best to be the best mommy she could to you.

Then there you become 5 months old, and you turned 6 months old. We celebrated your half birthday with Godma Eelin and Uncle Cephas. We even took a family outdoor portrait at the Marina Barrage.

Little cheeky boy sat up very well on his own by 7 months old. A tiny little pumpkin now turned into a little infant, all ready to embrace the world and its challenges. When we greet you good morning as you wake up, you smile back so sweetly. You have your own temperament and knows how to get around to having the things you want. 

Your 8th monthsary coincided with National Day. We got you a romper that said "MY FIRST 8TH OF AUGUST". you were an extremely cheery boy that day. It seemed like you knew it was a day of celebration and joy. 

You started teething, crying and got extremely irritable. You were 9 months old. I think it was the worst monthsary for you, and all you wanted was bonjela gel on your gums and lying on mommy. My poor little boy, that's all part of growing up. You grow teeth so you can taste more crunchy food.

Daddy brought mommy on a Europe trip in October 2012. We didn't bring you along because we thought it would be a little too difficult for you to travel half way around the world at such a tender age. But we promised we would bring you overseas next year, when you can walk on your own at least. You were turned 10 month old when daddy and mommy were in Switzerland. Grandpa David called and told us you had hand-foot-mouth-disease. We were worried sick. We wanted very much to stop the vacation and take the earliest flight back home to you. But grandpa David & grandma Eva told us not to, as you're doing okay and they will take good care of you. Mommy swear her heart was terribly broken.

You could stand on your own by now. Of course, with the aid of holding onto furniture. But you have strong arms and strong legs. Getting up, crawling around the house chasing Nachos was just an easy feat for you.You have so much curiosity with everything, the tiniest thing can almost amuse you easily. Daddy decided to help you walk your few steps using the walker-wagon. You managed one step, then 2 steps. It was such an exciting journey. You cuddle up to mommy and cry when I walk a step away. Mommy cherishes each of this time. She knows it won't be long when you'll outgrow it and no longer want to hug mommy anymore. So mommy is not complaining, mommy adores every bit of it. Happy 11 months old baby.

You are turning 1 year old today. It was a much longer journey than what mommy had penned down in this blog. Too many other emotions that words cannot express.

Some days, mommy wished you hadn't grown up so quickly, but mommy can't wait for you to be a big healthy boy too. 

Whatever mommy feels now and whatever that may come, mommy wants to tell you that there is one thing that will not ever change. That is, mommy will always love you.

Someday, when you are able to comprehend reading, mommy hopes you get to read this letter. A letter to my dearest little pumpkin, a God-sent surprise that has brought so much happiness, laughter, fun and love to both me and your daddy. I love you very much. Daddy loves you very much too.

Please grow up strong, healthy, happy and cheerful. Plentiful of hugs and kisses for you, Kayleb. Only for you. 

Happy 1st Birthday!

Love you the most and always,

Mommy.

cooking for lil pumpkin

Weekend meals for Kayleb means home-cooked food and not cereal. Well, unless we're not going on a super long day trip, else, I'll try my best to fix him home-cooked meal.

Last weekend I cooked him porridge. Here's sharing the recipe:

Baby Veggie Porkie Congee (suitable for babies 10 months and above)
Soup stock 

1) Pork Ribs (100g) - chopped into individual rib size
2) 1 x onion - peel off skin and both ends chopped 

Congee 

1) Rice 1/8 cup, soaked for at least 15mins 

Veggie
1) organic pumpkin
2) silky tofu
3) carrots 

This is super easy peasy to prepare. All you gotta do is wash all the ingredients clean. Boil the pork ribs, whole onion in water and then throw in the rice. Cook till rice breaks into bits and into the consistency you prefer. Scoop out the rib and onion when congee is done. Transfer into slow cooker if serving time is not up yet. 

Then dice the pumpkin and carrot and slice the tofu. Steam all the veggie for about 20mins. (I use the avent steamer/blender) 

When serving, blend veggie and congee together.

There! An easy recipe for a hearty baby meal.

I love how you can simply switch the combination for the veggie and easily replace the pork ribs with chicken meat. Or if you prefer, cod fish, silver fish and scallops. Just make sure your baby ain't allergic to any food product. 

Only introduce new food products once every 3 days interval so you can have time to observe for any allergy reactions.

Cheers to whipping up delicious yummy meals for our little ones.

updates & happy 11th month

it's been a long while since i updated this blog. i've been so busy with work and we went away for half a month to europe and i came back to be swamped with even more work.

so many things happened and i couldn't possibly find a moment to record each down.

so on the whole, kayleb fell sick and had HFMD and then a flu till now.

hunz and i are busy preparing for his first birthday party at the moment. everything's more or less settled except his party ht, dinner catering and a mini sweets section.

and i gotta run now. but before i do, let me share a photo of my lil guy, he turned 11months old today! yippee!

Reflections and thinking forward

Once in awhile, I like to think back upon the time I just got pregnant, and then I delivered Kayleb and the entire motherhood journey.

Some people will probably wonder what's there to reflect upon for a short span of 9 months. I tell you, you won't know unless you are a mother. These 9 months are so filled up with moments, there seemed to never be a pause button in place. I'm not complaining, but I'm trying to explain how overwhelming motherhood can be.

Kayleb Staring at daddy the moment he was delivered

Hunz had that heartbroken stare when he looked at Kayleb.
Hospitalized, after his SB results were too high.

I was looking at a photo of hunz carrying Kayleb while sitting outside the nursery at the hospital. He was hospitalized for Jaundice, and I was weeping like a crazy bitch because my baby couldn't come home with me. I couldn't figure out what went wrong. First, I was told he was at risk of having down syndrome, and I had to go for a placenta biopsy. Then, I watched my diet, I took multi-vitamins and I made sure I walked with care (although I got kinda clumsy at the 3rd trimester). Perhaps I cried a little too much but hey, I had raging pregnancy hormones - you can't blame me right? Then, they told me Kayleb had high SB and needed to be hospitalized.

Kayleb home after discharge

Then Kayleb got discharged and came home with us. Night became day, day became night and soon I pretty much lost track of time. He had many firsts that amazed us, he choked us with lotsa love, laughter, frustrations, cries and undeniably JOY. He taught me many things, included patience which I never seemed to be able to grip on to. He allowed me and hunz to have something to look forward to at the end of a tiring work day.

Kayleb asleep in momma's arms.
His first trip to the Singapore Zoo.

Thank you for being around Kayleb. You are indeed a precious gift God has bestowed unto us. Momma's looking forward to many more overwhelming moments as you grow up to be our little guy.

If you ask me now if I'd like to have another child (to go through the entire journey again). I'll say, NO. haha, it's too exhausting. I really would love to have a daughter, but I'm very contented with having Kayleb now. Perhaps, in the future, who knows, when I'm ready again. But I doubt so, motherhood is awesome, and frightening at the same time. haha!

with so much love for you, Kayleb,
~ momma & dada

Happy 9th monthsary lil guy!

Kayleb and his new bff, Ryan.

Godma Eelin has blessed Kayleb with a stuff toy filled with many other little toys. Kayleb is always spoiled for a choice when we take Ryan out of his bag.

Kayleb's first trip to the zoo!

We brought Kayleb to the Singapore Zoo for the first time. I think he might have been opened to a huge world he never realized did exists. He was pretty amazed at the animals that were within his visual fields and for most of the time, he froze in seconds like as if he was puzzled with the things going on.

Here are some of the few photos we caught on camera:

dozed off just as we reached Kidz' World.

enjoying his lunch by the splash pool at Kidz' World.
He was having pumpkin, carrots and beef puree.

He was intrigued by the penguins taking a dip.

and yawning away while grandma carries him.

I can't wait for our next zoo trip! Hopefully by then, he is old enough to figure out things better, feed the animals and is interested to learn more about the animals.

kayleb's nine of august!

happy national day singapore! i love you! the parade was fantastically done!

Kayleb is 8 months old!

We celebrated national's day and Kayleb's 8 month on the 9th of Aug. He was being all adorable and cheery throughout the day. It was as if he knew that it was a day to be more happy than usual.

Family Outdoor Photography (PHOTOS!)

Remember me blogging about bringing Kayleb for a family photo shoot for his half birthday? The photos were delivered into the mail box last night. I'm so excited about it and here's sharing some of my favorite shots.

photography service by: Firefly

My breastfeeding experience.

I've never really blogged about my breastfeeding journey and I thought I should. So here I am, blogging about the entire experience.

You wouldn't believe how imaginative I got when I realized I was a mommy and I had to offer my breasts to my baby as his staple food. Thousands of images flash across my mind whenever I think about breastfeeding.

When the real deal came, it was nothing like I ever imagined. I did EBM after nursing him for a short while. I just couldn't make myself believe direct nursing could satisfy Kayleb. Moreover, I felt more at ease to be able to see how much Kayleb is drinking each meal.

I guess there will be mothers who are pros at breastfeeding, squirming and wanting to tell me that would be wrong and I should directly nurse him to build up my supply. Maybe you are right, maybe you are wrong. I don't know because I might be one of those few mothers who just simply cannot produce enough milk.

I did not tell anybody this but the entire breastfeeding journey was nothing but stressful and tiring. Sure, it felt good whenever I nurse Kayleb. That's where I get to bond with him, skin-to-skin. Besides that, I hated breastfeeding. I did not have sufficient supply to meet demand. I tried everything from regularly expressing,  daily nursing, to nursing and then expressing afterwards, to drinking papaya fish soup, to trying mother's milk tea to warm compress. NOTHING HELPED. NOTHING.

My husband is one pro-breastfeeding daddy. He kept pressing me on to continue breastfeeding whenever I tell him I feel like quitting. Sometimes, so encouraging till I feel like I have a 5-ton weight on my shoulders. But without him, I wouldn't get through 1 month of breastfeeding (my initial target) and went on to 3 months and then 6 months.

Things did not get any better when I had to return to the office. Some colleagues who bump into me holding my pump never fail to comment "so little milk?" Thanks, that hurts and yes, THAT little milk and I cannot help it.

Fortunately, there are positive memories about breastfeeding. Feeding him in the car, in public (automobile workshop), expressing milk in the car, expressing milk in the toilets (yes, public toilets), feeding him in different nursing rooms (from awesome ones to gross ones) and of course, falling asleep with him while nursing.

Now that I'm in a weaning off process, I have to admit, I feel depressed and guilty for not wanting to give Kayleb anymore breastmilk. I'm exhausted having to pump every 3 hourly. It's hard for me to juggle at work, especially when I need to run for meetings or attend seminars - it's just pathetic and disgusting pumping milk in the ladies. Without pumping, I could do more things and feel less stressed. Feeling less stressed up allow me to love Kayleb more and feel alot less angry whenever he throws a tantrum. Well, I can come up with a million reasons why I choose to stop breastfeeding, but none can help me deal with the guilt.

If you asked me if I'd breastfeed Kayleb if I had to do it all over again, I really have no idea. I want to be able to give him the best, but I also want to have an easier life (you know how difficult it is being a full time working mother). Simply saying - I'm very confused about breastfeeding. I hope it is just the raging hormones coming from weaning and nothing else. sigh. And I'm praying to be able to feel better in no time.

7months of motherhood & counting on

In the blink of an eye, Kayleb turned 7 months old on the 9th. These 7 months went past like a whirlwind struck my life and I actually got through 7 months of EBM.

While I'm in the midst of weaning breastfeeding, many emotions set in. I'm easily agitated lately and I swear by the insanity of raging hormones during weaning.

I still remember being pregnant and having people telling me I might pop way earlier than my EDD. How people went around commenting how low carrying I was and how Kayleb brought shine to my face.

Then came the crazy pain around the hips resolved by the amazing epidural. 10:10am, 9th Dec 2011, we welcomed the little pumpkin to our lives.

Things never were the same again. I could no longer head out for fun without having plenty of guilt. I could no longer sleep more than 3 hours in a row. I could no longer have all the time in the world for myself. It was all the time for Kayleb and Kent.

Nights spent helplessly crying together with him fussing felt like just yesterday. The struggles to get through every day without help when I returned home after confinement were still fresh in my mind. He didn't smiled any bit and I thought to myself "How am I to get through another day with a baby who doesn't seem to ever connect with me emotionally?"

Then one fine day, Kayleb smiled. And he kept on smiling and giggling, and cooing and laughing. I forgot about how painful I felt when I thought he couldn't connect. It was like he knew I was having a difficult time and he wanted to show me that he reciprocates my love and tireless efforts.

Excitement sets in when Kayleb was able to lift his head steadily during tummy time. "He's in a huge milestone to growing up" I exclaimed. Then things progressed quicker. He managed sitting up with support, then flipping himself over and now sitting up firmly without much support.

Just yesterday, I noticed him being able to pass an object from one hand to another.

To be honest, time just went by so quickly, I'm surprised by my ability to actually survive through the bits and pieces of hectic mommy schedule for 7 solid months. Of course, still counting on for the many days, months and years ahead.

I'm ending this post with last night's facebook status:

To all mommies - hang in there if you feel you are struggling. You are not alone.

To all mommy-to-be(s) - you have no idea what you are in for. But fret not, you'll get through each day somehow or rather. haha!

To Kayleb - mommy loves you dearly. Please continue growing up strong, healthy and happy. 

Family outdoor photography day

We engaged Firefly to help us with the family outdoor photography. Here's a sneak peek. The entire load of photos will take 4 - 6 weeks of processing. I will upload some here when they are ready. I'm pretty excited to see the edited photos though.

like a mini boss

kayleb often behaves like a little boss. here is evidence. haha

happy sunday folks!

kayleb intently staring at the cartoon on tv

dada & kayleb

kayleb's half birthday

I woke up to a dampening weather. It poured the entire night and drizzled through the morning. Mid morning was cloudy and gloomy and we had to postpone our outdoor family photoshoot. Even though the weather was depressing, my mood and determination weren't. I was all determined to celebrate our little prince's half birthday, so we headed for brunch at forty h4nds. This little guy pointed and picked his own birthday cake. Time really flies and i can't believe we both survived 6 months of breastfeeding.

haha! but i'm starting weaning since i can't keep up with his demands and he's doing excellent with FM and solids. Ironically, I miss nursing him terribly though. it's like a huge bonding activity gone.

sigh i guess momma's going thru another phase of separation anxiety.

anyway! happy half birthday little prince. love u!

kayleb repeated pointed to this slice of cake
while at the cake display cabinet

brunch at forty h4nds

a casual family photo

ryan the zebra

a new toy blessing from mama eelin! kayleb was so delighted today.

a milestone to record - he finished a bottle of puree. half peaches and half apple.

i'm so proud of him! (:

it's the weekend!

this little guy snuggled in with daddy and momma after his breakfast. who doesn't enjoy a lazy sleep in weekend eh?

have a wonderful weekend people!